Am I Really Happy?

"I'd rather be unhappy then live a lie of happiness"- quote by me

I've been thinking a lot about my life until now. The saying above is one that I came up with just a few days ago and I believe that it really truly represents what I have gone through and what I want for myself in result of it. It is a really personal message I want to share with everyone who reads my blogs, and although at the moment I do not wish to share my whole life story, I'd like to hear your thoughts and philosophy on it.

Cravings

I can't help it! I just need to share that I am really craving a hamburger!!

like this one:

Isn't it beautiful? (and no I am not copying Mr. T, I just happen to really want a hamburger)

I mean, I can't even remember the last time I had a hamburger. It has seemed so long! And to think I have a box of them sitting in my freezer right now at this very moment. So why haven't I eaten the ones in my freezer, you ask? Well I haven't gotten around to it! Actually I just wouldn't know how to cook it. T_T <-- see that? that's a face full of tears.

But the type of burger I am really craving for is a real restaurant style burger. None of those cheap full-of-crap tiny burgers like at school or McDonalds(eww), but the real stuff, with real grade-A meat, with real bacon, with real cheese, with real veggies, and real bread. Why I mention the word "real" so many times is because I question the legitimacy of those full-of-crap burgers. Are they literally full of crap? If not something close to it! Ha! I'd say. Maybe it comes in a little tin foil package of powder labeled "just add water" and somehow when you do actually "add water" it horrifyingly transforms before your eyes into an imitation burger that tastes like nothing. 

But then again, there goes my imagination again. I'm probably just overreacting like always especially now that I have made myself hungry. Ugh... I'm going to go eat something now, most likely.

P.S.- I cannot find any good burgers since the closing of Cheeburger Cheeburger. Does anyone know of anywhere else currently open that's good? 

I need sleep!

Fluttering eyelids, droopy head, and zero attention span. This is what happens to those sleep deprived. This is what happens to me. 

You may ask why this happens to me and I'll reply, "Homework!" And only from one class, too.

 American History AP

Remarkably, my teacher now gives out less homework, but I do not feel any less tired. If my brain is being stimulated than I will be able to stay awake, however, once the classroom environment becomes boring or any teacher starts rambling (at least my 2nd hour), thats when I become TOTALLY out of it. I am somewhere else entirely in my mind. Gone! It has always been said that a good amount of sleep shows better results in school, but my choices are either do homework, get no sleep, and get good grades, or sleep, have unfinished homework, and fail. There's is no lose-lose or win-win situation anymore, Oh No! It's win-lose. Win grades, Lose sleep. I know AP classes are supposed to give an abundant amount of work, but ever heard of too much of a good thing? Unless you see homework as bad, then that's too much of a bad thing, and that just sucks entirely. 

Although the work sucks, I absolutely love the class. The learning part at least. American history (or any history for that matter) is very interesting and I really do enjoy hearing stories of our past. Why can't the class just be a huge lecture everyday where all we do is listen and no obvious work is involved? Like History Channel, but through the teacher. 

What is normal?

In and out, mind and body, it makes us who we are. Our emotions, personality, and attitude define us. It is sad when people choose to discriminate and harass those different from them when everyone is different. It is also sad when it happens within your own family.

I guess you could say I'm the odd one out in the family. I have always been and I have always had a hard time growing up because of it. I was never popular and never had a lot of friends. The close friends I did have moved away in a year after I moved in. Later on, the big youth group I was part of made me feel accepted but now I see it was all a lie because I was never comfortable hanging out with any of them individually or talk to them on the phone. At school I was known as Gabriel's sister instead of just Alicia.

Now I'm better known but not so much. I joined JROTC while everyone else in my family took sports (although I do take part in a very physical team called Raiders that is part of JROTC, but of course that's not a normal "sport"). Instead of going out I have too much homework and am resolved that doing the work and getting the grades is first priority no matter how much I dislike to. Cleanliness and personal hygiene has always been a must with me and for some odd reason, My parents have harassed me about that too on some things. They say I am germophobic, however I believe I am only slightly and not as much as they make me out to be.

It is all these things that according to my parents make me abnormal. Why do they feel I have to be normal? What do they have to fear? I keep my values, behave, and do well in school. I am healthy physically and psychologically.  Why do they think hurting me will make me change. They of all people should know I'm too stubborn to change especially when they treat me that way.

I forget...

I had the greatest idea for a post but I entirely forgot what I was going to write about.

I should just write about how things like that happen.

I get thoroughly annoyed at myself whenever I forget something. It can be what I was going to say, blog, or do. For example:

It has happened many times when I want to say something but someone else cuts me off, and then I forget what I was going to say after that someone finished. Maybe I would have great input to the conversation, but now I would never know because that one person cut me off. So annoying!
maybe I'm the only one, but sometimes when I think to myself, I should go upstairs and do "this and that", and by the time I go upstairs, I go straight to my room, out of habit, and think, what am I doing here? What was I supposed to do? By then I am confused and sitting on my bed attempting to search my brain for the reason of why I came upstairs in the first place.
In school, sometimes I even forget to do my homework! Well, just American History AP homework, which is even worse. After I realize I forgot, I start ranting about my forgetfulness and that I'm doomed to absolute failure.

So anyone reading this please comment on your forgetfulness as well (partly so I won't feel so bad about myself ). I am curious to read your stories. Hope they are funny!

Valentines Day... eww.

Whatever happened to the fun happy-going years of elementary school where we passed "Be My Valentine" cards with lollipops stuck to the side with tape. Then it wasn't a matter of who likes who, but it was a tradition that all us kids did just because we were told to. Heck, we did it for the candy! But as the little innocent kids of the good old days grew up into adolescence, it has become realized that Valentines Day was supposed to be a special day between two people.

 Eww.

 I don't see what's so special about it. All it is is a day set apart to recognize couples everywhere. Don't they already show themselves off? Why do we need to make an official holiday to show what is already obvious? That "day" is not as special as a one week anniversary in my opinion and just an excuse to give gifts. Oh, lets not forget to mention how much it stresses out people, especially girls, on who is going to be their valentine. It's not even worth it to stress about that. 

I don't think people even care anymore. 

Or maybe it is all subjective. Those who have a boyfriend or girlfriend generally like it and those of us who do not do not. Valentines Day is black and white, you either hate it or you love it; there is no middle ground, no grey to make it seem likes it is all right not to have a valentines. However, I applaud those who don't care; those who are immune to cupid's arrow. They have the real strength to ignore such a useless holiday.

Can we really go green?

I've tried recycling. I still recycle, but not with as much enthusiasm I had before. I've found it easier to recycle if the option to is easily accessible. Like if I'm at home in the kitchen and I have just finished drinking from a disposable plastic cup. I know its recyclable and doing so is good for the environment, but the recycling bin is all the way in the garage. I end up throwing the cup in the trash because it's closer. Another scenario, I am in my classroom and decided that my classwork is crap, crumple it up, and decide to throw it away. However, there are two bins: one for trash and one for recyclables and one right next to the other. I end up throwing the paper in the recycling bin because its right there and an easy obvious choice.

I believe that we are so comfortable with our old lives of ignorance that it is difficult to change especially since we have been doing this for years or even for generations. The "going green" idea is still a new concept. I think that the majority of people believe in being "green" and want change in the environment, but the more important question is if they are willing to actively do as they say and believe in. Many, including me lately, are plain lazy and recycle when it is convenient to them. The only solution that comes to mind would be to unite the American public in the cause of recycling and keeping clean the environment, or in short "going green", because a few people cannot accomplish much, but everyone together as a whole could impact the country for the better.  It is We The People who can make the difference, not one person alone.